


Not so irreplaceable

by Pingviini



Series: I'm not the person I wanted to become [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alfred is mvp, Arguing, Bitterness, Gen, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Slice of a situation, lame jokes, revisiting old feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 10:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12769062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pingviini/pseuds/Pingviini
Summary: Richard couldn’t help but frown at the small smile flashing on Wayne’s face. “Is this funny to you?” he asked crossing his arms.Bruce pulled the shirt over his head and rolled the hems down.“Of course not,” he answered glancing at the computer screen that still showed the computer trying to decrypt whatever file Bruce had taken, before turning his serious blue eyes back to the person he was talking to, “seeing you is rarely fun.”Or Bruce is beating himself up and Dick tries to get him to accept his help.





	Not so irreplaceable

**Author's Note:**

> This goes along with my other One shot" Not so calm and collective". This has happened before the events of that one shot! I don't know. I have written this on one sitting after I read the Dark knight returns for the first time. Because in that Dick Grayson is a bitter asshole who wants to kill the newest Robin. But I still love Grayson, so I don't want to make him evil. He tries his best. Always♥  
> And also inspired by all the times he has been slapped or punched by batman, haha.
> 
> Not a native speaker so mind the mistakes!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading♥

Richard Grayson was fiddling with a batarang. He threw it with a sharp wrist movement making it spin around it’s axel before hitting the solid rock wall and bouncing off with a high-pitched cling and a few visible sparks. He had practised his speech so many times the words didn’t make any sense to him anymore. He didn’t really think talk would be enough to change Bruce’s mind, but he had to cross it off the list at some point and there was no better time than now.

“You can do this. It’s just Bruce. Chill, he’ll know you mean good,” Grayson said to himself quietly as the Batmobile raced in with its blinding headlights. He got up swaying his hands back and forth a couple of times while taking a deep breath. The grumbling engine silenced leaving behind an echo that lingered in the space for a good time before dissipating.  
He could see Bruce was struggling to get out of the vehicle, which meant he was hurt, which again meant he was grumpy.

Bruce walked towards Grayson with long strong steps and Richard could hear his own pulse racing. The sound filled his ears feeding his nervousness as the menacing character approached him steadily. Richard had time to only inhale sharply when Bruce reached him because The Bat merely walked past him not bothering to even look at the uninvited guest.

Dick turned on his heels to look after Wayne, who took off his mask landing it on a surface next to the container where he usually kept his outfit.

“The answer is no,” he said with a tired and rough voice as he proceeded to take off the rest of his outfit revealing the fresh injuries. He hadn’t gotten to even start his speech.

“I didn’t even say anything,” Grayson laughed nervously refusing to get angry before getting to speak his mind.

“You never come here just because,” Bruce answered finally gazing at Richard quickly from over his shoulder before sitting down in front of the Batcomputer, “I don’t have time for this. If you came here to do anything else than drink tea with Alfred and say hi, I’m not interested.”

“This is not about me, Bruce. This is about the fact that you clearly need help,” Richard argued watching as the computer started to decrypt a file.

“I know when to ask for help, Dick. And this is not the case,” Wayne grumbled under his tone leaning his elbows on the table, clearly unwilling to continue on the subject. And if Dick knew Bruce Wayne at all, the argument would last long and end in a loud fight. But even if there were a thousand other things he would have been glad to do instead of fighting, he knew he would fight nevertheless.

“Clearly you don’t,” Richard said knowing full well Bruce wanted nothing but to get him off his case.

“I know Alfred would be happy to chat with you if you want company.”

The younger felt even though he had known beforehand that Bruce would refuse him.

“Why do you have to be so freaking stubborn?” he groaned giving himself a permission to get mad. Bruce wasn’t being too respectful. His loud voice echoed around them.

“Funny you should say that,” Bruce paused his sentence while he got up from the chair to grab a white shirt lying at a table top close by, “when you’re the one arguing.”

Richard couldn’t help but frown at the small smile flashing on Wayne’s face. “Is this funny to you?” he asked crossing his arms.

Bruce pulled the shirt over his head and rolled the hems down. “Of course not,” he answered glancing at the computer screen that still showed the computer trying to decrypt whatever file Bruce had taken, before turning his serious blue eyes back to the person he was talking to, “seeing you is rarely fun.”

“Am I a joke to you, Bruce?” Richard gushed annoyed.

Bruce sat back down to the black leather chair and closed his eyes. He scratched his stub looking very contemplative.  
“I don’t have time for fooling around,” he said finally and turned the chair’s back on Richard as he started to look for something while waiting for the computer to do his work for him.

“You’re the one joking around,” Richard almost shouted as he stomped his way to Bruce to turn the chair so that the older was facing him again. He was met by a tired look.

“I’m serious, Dick. I’m running out of humour,“ Wayne answered detaching Richard’s hand from his chair so that he could turn around but managed to only sway as Richard instantly grabbed one of the armrests to keep him in place.

“Fantastic. Then we can finally talk,” the younger said through gritted teeth. Bruce got up from the chair so quickly Dick didn’t have the time to back off and almost lost his balance as their chests crashed together.

“I think we are done talking. Why do you have to fight me on everything?” Wayne asked tensely, and his eyes were intimidating.

Grayson could see Bruce was starting to lose his temper fairly quickly.

“I could ask the same from you, Bruce,“ Richard laughed dryly, trying to be as tall as physically possible and it was weird how he could look down at Bruce. Only slightly but still.

“Go before I get angry. I work better alone,” Bruce said staring Dick down.

“I won’t die on you like –“

“Don’t talk about him,” Bruce raised his voice and his tone was intense to match his eyes.

“Why not? It’s not like it would change anything,” Grayson answered feeling cold from the way Bruce was looking at him.

“I’m warning you.”

“Would you be like that if it had been me instead of Jason-“

The pain on his cheek was burning and the impact made his ears buzz, his balance vanish and eyes see stars as he swayed to the side holding his cheek. Bruce’s white shirt was stained by blood, the red splotch spreading steadily as his reopened wound, from his sudden use of power, bled. His broad chest was rising rapidly and the knuckles on the clenched fist’s white.  
Richard Grayson had always been envious of Jason. Even now when he was dead, he felt jealous of the way Bruce mourned the boy and had buried him in his family grave. Bought him the most beautiful tomb stone with sentimental words engraved in its marble surface, filled with gold: _Deeply beloved, son._

Jason and Bruce had shared a connection like which Bruce and Dick had never achieved. But fight as they might have, Dick had always felt special being the foster son of Bruce Wayne – _sidekick of the Batman_ – even when he had left Gotham due to their inability to reach common understanding of justice and how it was best achieved. But it all changed when Jason arrived. The second Boy Wonder, who had sickeningly enough looked up to Grayson himself. Asked for advice, dyed his hair the same colour, always trying to impress him and Richard had shared a bond like no other with the boy. But there was always the envy looming deep inside his thoughts when he had looked at Jason Todd. He didn’t think Jason ever saw through him, or at least, not clearly enough to notice how Dick hated himself for loathing him.

“Talk about weak spots,“ Grayson sneered spitting out blood. “Everything is always about you. I lost him too, you know? But you don’t see me wailing around in self-pity. Get over yourself already. Killing yourself won’t bring him back.”

Tension between them could be cut with a knife and the gap keeping them apart widened. A shared trauma, something bringing other people closer together, was doing the opposite for them. Dick hated coming back to Gotham as it reminded him of everything that had been - and still was - wrong with his life. It was as if he always degraded back to a twelve-year-old when he returned; Letting Alfred treat him with goods and Bruce walk over him, while he pitifully begged for a fatherly approval from the person he had once almost called his father. Never getting the thing his heart still so desired.

Instead he got cold eyes and a harsh voice. All in intention of pushing him away. Bruce turning his back to everything they had gone through together. In the mixture of feelings, the naïve child inside Richard wanted to believe Bruce was pushing him away for Richard’s own good instead of what the other half of him believed. Dick was a connection. A link between Bruce and his beloved failure – the past he obviously wanted to leave behind but struggled greatly to do so.

“You’re just an arrogant child who thinks he knows it all. Don’t pretend to be anything more. Go back to Jump City. You’re not needed here,” Bruce said again walking past Grayson and the calmness of his low voice was the most horrible.

Looking at his foster father’s receding back, Dick saw a bat fly past a couple of times. Its small body a black mess as it fled quickly through light from one shadow to another.

Gotham was a city that brought up the worst in everything and Grayson was no exception. He too was caged by his past to be bitter and angry.

The Boy Wonder’s costume was patched up and washed. You could barely tell how the most of it had burned and that the remains had been black with blood and ash. You could barely tell Jason Todd had died in it and it was more bittersweet than anything. How a man like Bruce had wanted to keep it, to fix it almost as if willing to let himself remember only the good parts of the adventures it had gone through. Dick, on the other hand, felt like the tricky part of savouring a memory was the way it got twisted pretty with time but only if the negatives were light enough to be indifferent.

As painful as it was, he was beginning to forgive himself. Let go of the things he blamed himself for. He hadn’t wanted to be envious or bitter to Jason. He was only human and therefore unable to alter the past. The only thing he could do was learn from it. Learn to be better so that one day he could forget his childish needs in order to value the things one should hold dear.

“I have made a bath for you, master Dick,” Alfred’s voice interrupted his thoughts and like a thief he jumped around to look at the intruder.

“Thank you, Alfred. I’ll be up in a second,” Dick smiled faintly. “Did you?” he asked gesturing towards the Robin’s outfit. Alfred walked calmly to Grayson and seized beside him.

“Ah, yes. Not my best work but master Bruce wanted me to salvage it.”

“I think it’s great work,” the younger smiled before coughing awkwardly, “I mean, considering.”

“I agree to disagree,” Alfred stated with his normal calm tone.

“I feel like he wants to forget what happened,” Richard said without giving his words too much thought, which, especially when talking with Alfred, was a huge mistake. Alfred never did anything half-assed, not even small talk.

“I think quite the opposite, master Dick. I think, while it certainly does hold a sentimental value to it, most of all it is a reminder. Master Wayne is not the type of person to let himself off easy and that is as much of a strength of his as it is his weakness,” he answered making Dick feel stupid. That happened more than often around Alfred.

“I didn’t get to have my speech,” Richard changed the subject not wanting to touch it any more than he had.

“And what a great speech it is. I suggest you save it for tomorrow. Everything looks better after a good night’s sleep. Your bath is getting cold,” Alfred said smiling a polite smile as he glanced his watch.

“Actually, would you mind if I stayed here a moment longer? I haven’t seen the cave for a while and it looks like it’s gotten new upgrades since the last time I’ve been here,” Richard asked not looking at Alfred but from the corner of his eye he could see the displeased look on the butler’s face.

“We’ve come a long way from me babysitting you, master Dick. Although, I’ve got to admit that sometimes I do wish I had such authority over the both of you that I once had. While I appreciate your sense of justice I would also appreciate if even one of you could learn to help yourself every once in a while. The cave will be here even after the bath,” the man answered him, and Dick knew it was Alfred’s way of telling him to do as he’s told but very politely. Richard couldn’t help but to huff out a small chuckle and he let his head fall.

“Is it a bubble bath?”

“I’ll have your supper ready by the time you’ve finished,” Alfred answered pleased.

“Do you think Bruce could ever fall in love with someone like me?” Grayson asked eyes glued to the letter ‘r’ on the suit’s red cloth and mind wandering beyond his boundaries.

“Did you say something?” Alfred asked after a long-lasting silence and the look in his eyes wasn’t polite anymore even if his words were.

“No,” Grayson shook his head playing along, “I don’t think I did.”


End file.
